The Sturdy, Stable Thing

My friend Jyothi sent a message yesterday. She was very excited about an experience that had just happened to her. Earlier in the day, in the morning, she had meditated with voluntary effort. Then later in the afternoon she fell into involuntary meditation. This pattern of intentional meditation in the morning and natural meditation in the afternoon is normal for her, but yesterday the natural meditation was deeper than usual.

Jyothi: My attention was going inward so forcefully

Jyothi: Felt like I was being pushed into a trance like state

She explained that this push was involuntary. She couldn’t resist it. This reminds me of many remarks by Sri Ramana Maharshi including this one from Conscious Immortality, Chapter 14:

The Self is like a powerful hidden magnet within us. It draws us gradually to itself, though we imagine we are going to It of our own accord. When we are near enough, it puts an end to our activities, makes us still, and then swallows up our personal current, thus killing our personality. It overwhelms the intellect and over floods the whole being. We think we are meditating upon it and developing towards it, whereas the truth is that we are as iron filings and It is the Atman-magnet that is pulling us towards itself. Thus the process of finding Self is a form of Divine Magnetism.

Jyothi continued:

Jyothi: I was also tired because I was feeling heavy inside. Just wanted to lie down and let the course take its action what ever that was

Jyothi: Something was happening it’s hard to explain

Jyothi: I was becoming aware of my breath and the awareness behind the action of breath

Jyothi: It’s hard to explain

Jyothi: Felt tired

I said this sounds really good, and that Ramana used to tell people, “Find the source of the breath.”

Jyothi: Yes i or don’t know what something is aware of the course of breath

Jyothi: It’s a layer deeper than with the breath

Jyothi: Felt breathing was automatic

Jyothi: Felt I am not the breath

Jyothi: I am separate

Jyothi: It’s not that I don’t have thoughts but my attention is so inward that I totally ignore my thoughts

Jyothi: I was exhaling loud frequently as if I had more air inside and had to let it go

Jyothi: I feel I have more oxygen inside than needed

Jyothi: I feel like blowing it out every 10 minutes

Jyothi: When I sat closing my eyes

Jyothi: Despite activities inside my body there was stillness

The most interesting thing, to me, was this:

Jyothi: felt something inside me sturdy, stable and it felt like it knows about all the things that were happening inside my body.

Jyothi: Like sensations, heartbeat, breath, pulse, noises in my ear

Jyothi: It knew everything but it just knew it didn’t interfere with anything

Freddie: does “sturdy, stable” mean that nothing could affect it?

Jyothi: yes. in this context yes.

Freddie: Like it can’t ever change?

Jyoti: Yes.

Freddie: was there a feeling of “I”?

Jyoti: No I didn’t feel it as me

Freddie: was there any feeling of I? did you feel like an I that was watching this thing?

Jyothi: It’s really hard to say it almost felt impersonal

Freddie: did it seem to have a location in the body?

Jyothi: yes in the rib cage like heart in paintings of Jesus but sometimes it felt like it’s in every inch of my body

Freddie: like this picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus?

Jyothi: The location is the same but it’s not as grandiose as the pictures

Jyothi: It felt like a dot in the heart center

Jyothi: I didn’t see any light

Freddie: “Weapons cut It not. Fire burns It not. Water wets It not. Wind dries It not.”

Jyothi: That’s the Bhagavad Gita isn’t it. Chapter 2.

Freddie: Yep.

And here’s verse 24:

“This Self cannot be cut, burnt, wetted nor dried up. It is eternal, all-pervading, stable, ancient and immovable.”

Translation of Bhagavad Gita by Swami Sivananda.