How to destroy a vasana (example 2): Julia’s grandmother

This is the second post in a series. The first one is here.

This vasana belonged to my girlfriend Julia. She has given me permission to write this article and has checked it for accuracy.

How the vasana got created

About the time Julia was born, her father began to suffer from schizophrenia. His illness was so severe that when Julia was six months old, her mother left her father and went to live with her parents, taking Julia with her.

Julia grew up in her grandparents’ house. She didn’t know she had a father until she was three. She found out in a painful way. Here’s how it happened.

One day when Julia was three, she was sitting on the porch with her grandmother. They could see the road in front of the house through the screens but people outside couldn’t see them. Suddenly Julia’s grandmother said, “Your father is walking toward the house.” She grabbed Julia’s hand. “Let’s go to the cellar.”

They hid from Julia’s father in the root cellar, a dark dank scary place. Julia could hear her father on the porch knocking on the door. Julia’s grandmother told her to be still and quiet until her father left. Nothing like this had ever happened before. Obviously something was terribly strange and wrong.

This is how Julia found out she had a father. The first thing she learned about him was that he was so dangerous and scary that she had to hide from him in the root cellar. Later her family would explain to her that he was “crazy.”

Up until that moment, Julia had always felt secure and safe when she went outside to play. That changed in that moment.

You might think that this memory generated a vasana involving fear of her father, but that’s not what happened because Julia got to know her father a couple of years later and her father turned out to be a wonderful man who loved her very much. To me he looks very good natured and kind in the photo of him and Julia’s mother at the top of this page. I’ll write about him in the next article in this series.

What actually happened is that this memory got attached to a vasana involving feelings about Julia’s grandmother — feelings of fear, anger, and hatred.

Julia’s grandmother was an unpleasant person who hurt Julia and other people mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. A couple of years later she became a bitter alcoholic who cast a pall over everyone around her.

I asked Julia why this memory got attached to fear, anger, and hatred of her grandmother. She explained, “This was the first violent act that she inflicted on me, instilling fear of my father who was a kind, gentle man. Later when I got to know my father my anger toward her increased because she had lied to me.”

How the vasana got destroyed

One night Julia and I decided to try to destroy this vasana. We started by making love because she usually goes into spiritual states afterward. When this happens we become aware of an energetic connection between us, a heart-love-energy connection.

For several minutes Julia talked about the vasana. Then she told me that she was going to the root cellar to confront her grandmother. I should explain that these states of hers often involved astral travel. As she left she told me that I was with her. She often tells me that I’m astral travelling with her although I’m not aware of it. However I always feel like we’re connected energetically while she does this and I often perceive subtle phenomena that correspond to what she says she is seeing.

She often gets into states that are so deep she can’t speak. For the next several minutes she was silent. When she could speak again, she told me what had happened.

As she entered the root cellar, she could see a beautiful turquoise pale blue light illuminating the walls. This light was emanating from me. I was behind her.

Julia and her grandmother looked into each other’s eyes. Julia did not flinch.

At that moment her grandmother lost her power over Julia.

Julia says she had never felt so strong in her whole life.

The key to the destruction of this vasana is that Julia stopped fearing her grandmother.

Previously Julia had been afraid of her grandmother. She always felt like she had to tiptoe on eggshells to avoid making her angry. Now, for the first time, Julia had the strength to look into her grandmother’s eyes without flinching. Julia says I helped with this because I gave her courage.

Julia returned from the root cellar. She noticed that her heart chakra was wide open. She could feel both the front and back parts of it and the connection between them. She observed several complicated changes in her energy body involving her heart chakra and a bindu. I won’t bother recording the details here, but if you’re curious about them tell me and I’ll add that information to this article.

Julia began to feel warm energy encircling her waist as if she were standing in a pool of clear aqua water. Gradually it rose as if she might drown in it. It covered her nose, her eyes, and then she was covered completely.

And then her crown chakra was open. A pathway opened between her heart and crown chakra. Complicated events involving lots of energy occurred in and around her crown chakra. I’m leaving out the details.

And then she was back in the root cellar filled with turquoise light. At this moment Julia’s grandmother dissolved. She disappeared. Julia told me, “The turquoise energy sterilized that space.”

How Julia’s life changed afterward

The events described here changed Julia’s feelings permanently.

Speaking about her grandmother, Julia says, “I love her now.”

She says, “All the hatred and anger and fear dissolved in my heart. I forgave her.”

During Julia’s grandmother’s lifetime, her eyes were glazed and filled with pain from drinking alcohol, but when Julia visualizes her now, her face is soft and her eyes are clear. Now she smiles easily.

I just asked Julia whether the events of that night destroyed the vasana completely. She said, “Yes, one hundred percent. I knew it instantly. I knew it in my heart, my soul, my mind, that it was finished.”

Years earlier Julia had tried to deal with these issues through therapy. She says, “I had seen two therapists, hoping they could understand this and help me understand it and finish it, but it never happened until that night.”

Six months after the events described above, Julia wrote the following comments in her journal:

Six months ago with Fred’s help on a journey to the day when my father was at the front door and Omi [her grandmother] took me to the root cellar, Fred stood behind me and I was able to destroy a vasana I was holding for almost 70 years about my father and about Omi. It seems six months had to pass for me to feel close to her.

Omi came to me last evening [not in a physical way, Omi died many years earlier]. She was standing at the end of a garden wall bathed in bright light. She had her purse open looking for something. I was surprised to see her. I asked her what she wanted. She said she missed me. I went to her and she hugged me and said, “my darling.”

The next morning I had the concern that she was here because the end of my life is near. This evening while washing dishes she came to me again. I explained my concern and said, “I’m not ready yet. I have more to do. I am in love and I am loved.”

I asked her if I am going to die soon. She said “no”. She said she’s here to help me and that she’s proud of me and all that I have accomplished in life. I asked her how to help Fred. She said to listen to him. I said I always do. She said, “But with your heart.”

6 thoughts to “How to destroy a vasana (example 2): Julia’s grandmother”

  1. Freddie,
    Concerning the structure of Vasana destruction, did Julia’s process resemble yours?
    It seems like she did re-experience the event without denial of glitching, as you described in your #1 article, with the difference that she did it while in an astral plane and you did in normal waking consciousness. Am I correct?
    In such case, the common and determining element is the re-experience of a painful memory and associated ideas/beliefs without an attempt to change or suppress them but only by purely seeing them
    What do you think?

    1. Hi Riccardo,

      I think it’s an excellent idea to find a common element in these two experiences.

      Julia and I just talked for an hour about your comment. We don’t think the common element was “the re-experience of a painful memory and associated ideas/beliefs without an attempt to change or suppress them but only by purely seeing them.”

      That description is pretty close to what I did but Julia did something different. But even in the case of my vasana, I’m not sure the description is exactly right. What I did, exactly, was wonder, “What do I think now with my adult mind about that childhood event?” Then I answered the question by actively making a new judgment, a new appraisal, a new opinion. I wouldn’t call this “pure seeing.” I was thinking. I was judging. I was evaluating. To my surprise, my new judgment was, “It’s true that I’m a coward.” This led to an aha! moment. The aha insight was that the reason why the memory bothered me was because I thought it was true that I am a coward. It’s like the insight (for example) that the reason why I get hurt or angry when somebody criticizes me is because unconsciously, I agree with the criticism.

      Julia and I both think her experience was different from your proposed common element. She didn’t re-experience anything. She didn’t try to see the past. (The location, the root cellar, was borrowed from the past but she didn’t go there to see it. It was just a sort of location for the new astral experience.)

      She tried to create a new relationship between herself and her grandmother. In her astral state, she walked up to her grandmother and did things she never had the courage to do when her grandmother was alive. She tried to create a new experience that had never happpened before.

      She looked straight into her grandmother’s eyes — something she had always been afraid to do while her grandmother was alive — and “said” to her grandmother:

      Look at me, I’m not afraid of you anymore, I don’t want these feelings of hate, anger and resentment any longer. Love me, help me. Forgive me for hating you. Forgive me for the way I acted and treated you.

      These are things that Julia wanted to say as a child but never dared to say. Now she finally “said” them.

      1. Thank you Freddie and Julia
        I am interested in the common “method” so that I can understand it and try it out.
        I got that it’s about reevaluating an old memory with new, adult eyes and objectively right?

        Thanks
        R

        1. I am interested in the common “method” so that I can understand it and try it out.

          Sure, I understand.

          I got that it’s about reevaluating an old memory with new, adult eyes and objectively right?

          Mine, yes. Hers, I don’t think so, because she didn’t re-evaluate a memory. She never doubted the memories. Her grandmother was a sad nasty alcoholic who hurt Julia in many ways. End of story.

          I’m writing this now without consulting Julia, so take it with a grain of salt because my understanding may be imperfect, but what Julia thinks she did that night is change actual facts in the present. Not memories or thoughts. Actual facts. We can believe her or not, but she says she has a living relationship on a non-physical level with her grandmother even though her grandmother is dead. She says that now, in the present, the two of them talk. What Julia says she did that night is finally summon the courage to tell her grandmother what she really thought and what she really wanted. She said things she could have said as a girl, like, “I want you to love me.” What was new was the fact that she had the courage to say them.

          The fact that Julia’s grandmother is dead is an unnecessary complication. Let’s pretend the grandmother is alive. Julia summoned the courage to tell her grandmother for the first time, “Here’s what I feel and what I want.” Somehow or other, that act of courage set off big changes in Julia that she perceived as changes in her chakras and so forth. She was noticeably different afterward.

          I wish I could suggest something these two experiences (Julia’s and mine) have in common but I can’t put my finger on it. Here’s what occurs to me:

          1. In both cases, after decades of suffering (literally decades), each of us suddenly felt and believed for the first time, “I am finally going to deal with this issue now. I can deal with it. I have the ability.” And then we just dealt with it however it needed to be dealt with.

          2. In both cases, we stopped being fearful.

          I guess those points aren’t very useful but I can’t think of anything else at the moment.

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