A friend wrote to me:
When I get glimpses, my problems disappear, but as soon as I return to myself they are still all there.
I replied:
It’s the other way around. When your problems disappear, but consciousness remains, that’s you. What you call “returning” is leaving.
If you continue down this path, I think eventually you’ll see this.
Years ago I said the same thing you said here to a teacher. His reply made me laugh out loud. I wish I could remember exactly what he said so I could say it to you now. It was something like, in a sarcastic but friendly tone, as if he was laughing with me, not at me, “Okay, if you want to keep pretending you’re something you’re not, I won’t argue with you.”
I’m picking this one detail out of your email and addressing it exclusively because for your happiness, and for where you are now, it’s the heart of the matter.
Freddie
Actually we can’t really leave ourselves no matter what happens, but I think the way I said it in the email has the best chance of resonating with my friend at this point.
Love it. Always happy to read more from you , Freddie!
Thanks Ben. Always good to know we’re in touch.
Lovely note. Good to hear from you, Freddie. Hope you and Julia are well.
Hi Metta,
Very nice to hear from you. Unfortunately Julia’s dementia is getting pretty bad. From time to time I think of writing something about how it feels, and I remember you once encouraged me to write about certain sorts of things, and I wonder if this is the kind of thing you meant.
I hope you’re well.
Freddie
Yes, writing can be therapeutic – both for writers and readers. one never knows how much certain words at certain times can work out.
Caregiving is such a hard and deeply wrenching experience. Some very interesting things show up in apparent day to day minutiae.
I hope you are taking care of yourself as well.