Hello dear readers. Up till now I’ve rarely talked here about my current experiences. I’ve almost always written retroactively about things that happened years earlier. Time for something new!
I woke up today with the feeling that a piece of food was stuck in my esophagus. I hadn’t felt that way before going to bed, and I had been asleep for hours, so unless I sleepwalked and ate something in my sleep — something I’ve never done, as far as I know — there couldn’t be any food there. I got up and drank water but the contraction remained.
I went to my desk and saw that my friend Padmé was typing a long message on Skype. She and I have been talking a lot the last few days about what has been happening to me. I’ll quote a little bit of what she wrote:
You experienced Cosmic Consciousness when Enlightenment happened to you long back. But that time Cosmic Consciousness did not stay, because manonasa did not happen. When we have Mind then Cosmic Consciousness experience feels like drastic, profound, deep change, because we compare that state with the normal human state of life and mind. And since then many times this state happened to you, but you never got to fully rooted in it because of Mind. Now that manonasa has started, there is less of You/I to feel, recognize the change, calculate the depth, but this time Cosmic Consciousness will stay because there is less of You/I now. But the way it felt drastic during enlightenment, it wont feel that way now…. because it will become your Natural state to be. Slowly as manonasa progresses, you will start slipping into Absolute. You will be in and out of it… but then slowly you will even stop recognizing it at all…. because [the] I will be gone…..
You will definitely be able to notice slipping into Absolute from Cosmic Consciousness… but still it wouldnt be so drastic as it feels when first time get Enlightenment… it is a soft smooth, slow change… and in fact is the END OF ALL CHANGES that you could ever notice.
As I always say – The last remaining “I” is in the Sattva Guna, it’s a piece of it. And Sattva Guna needs to recede in order for us to slip into Absolute and be rooted there. But why Sattva Guna doesn’t recede? Because every Guna teaches us many lessons at different levels of Consciousness. Sattva Guna in Cosmic Consciousness teaches us One and Only One Lesson – Which is that ALL IS ONE. But we have a Natural Vasana/Sanskara that STOPS us from acknowledging that lesson. That stops us from accepting, perceiving this lesson. And Cosmic Consciousness since your Enlightenment is trying to give you situations where you can learn this lesson, but that natural Vasana is so strong in you, that it doesn’t want to see this, it stops you from learning this lesson…
As she was typing I noticed that the lump moved up to my throat for a while, then moved back down to the chest. It was a purely physical feeling. There was nothing subtle or energetic about it
I thought it was an odd coincidence that I woke with this bizarre feeling in my chest at the same time she was typing this message so I described it to her.
She said, yes, the lump is the physical manifestation of that vasana, the vasana that we are human and we are separate.
It makes sense, doesn’t it, that the last vasana to go is the first one, the most basic one, the one on which the ego is based, the feeling that I am separate?
Then she reminded me that two or three years ago, when she was shifting from Cosmic Consciousness to the Absolute, which she says I’m doing now, she had this same feeling. She thought it was like the lump we get in our throats when we cry. That hadn’t occurred to me probably because I stopped crying at age 10 and had forgotten that feeling. Also, at least in my case, there’s no emotion associated with this. It’s purely physical. Also in my case the feeling began lower in the chest before rising to the throat. But she’s right, when it’s in my throat, it feels like the lump we get when we cry.
Has anyone heard of this phenomenon before? I don’t think I have. It’s interesting and wonderful that she and I both had the same experience, and that we’re friends, and that I watched her realize the Self in 2016 and now — if my good fortune holds up — she is watching me.