One year ago today my friend Padmé went through a death experience like the one David Godman records in No Mind — I Am The Self where Saradamma’s I-thought died forever. I had the good luck to be chatting with Padmé on Skype when it happened, so I was a sort of witness.
Today is the one-year anniversary of that event. I didn’t say anything about it here when it happened because I had temporarily stopped blogging. I’ll make up for that by posting some of the things Padmé told me today, a year later, about Self-realization. I’ve removed about three quarters of the conversation.
This is from a Skype chat, so please forgive the lack of punctuation and sloppy typing.
the pull of the SELF is HUMONGOUS
very very strong beyond imagination
it’s like you are on a NO-Gravity planet…. and are being asked to stay put at one place
I don’t know how to explain it…. but it’s very very difficult to stay put
I felt like CRYING TO DEATH
I didn’t want to do it…. nobody wants to do it
That’s the HARDEST choice I ever faced
I asked, “It’s like giving up everything right?”
Yep… GIVING UP that ONE THING which you got after suffering for so many life times
It feels like a Curse
but…. UNION has to EXPRESS ITSELF…. so some of us have to LET UNION/ABSOLUTE DO THAT
I asked her, “Is the mind a kind of protection or guard against the pull of the Self?”
Once manas becomes Conscious it cannot guard against the pull…. and its not Manas which guards anyways… it’s those remaining vasanas/Promises/Choices that we might have to make at the end
When I am talking about that Pull after a year now today with you… it still feels the same…
but now there is no choice or question as to why am I still here or why I chose to stay in body
but yes it took a year to get to this kind of Super Unconscious State
Strange Journey after SR… happens in Absolute Presence and Absolute Absence